Long Distance Relationships: My Honest Thoughts on how to make it work
How to Bridge the Gap and Keep Love Alive Across Any Distance
Long-distance dating is hard. But longest-distance dating? That’s a whole different ball game. Whether you’re separated by continents, oceans, or the International Date Line itself, the challenges can feel insurmountable. But here’s the truth: it can work. Not just survive-but-thrive work, but grow-closer-than-ever work.
These thoughts aren’t about sugarcoating reality with tired platitudes like “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Instead, we’ll tackle the real hurdles and deliver actionable tips to help you build a love that spans more than just miles.
1. Own the Reality: It’s Hard, But Not Impossible
Being honest about the difficulty of longest-distance dating is the first step. You’re juggling time zones, financial constraints, and the daily ache of not being physically close. But every challenge is also an opportunity to grow stronger together.
Reframe the narrative: Instead of focusing on what you’re missing, embrace what your unique situation offers—depth, intentionality, and the chance to build communication skills that many couples don’t develop until much later.
💡 Quick Tip: Schedule a check-in once a month to talk about your feelings. Vent frustrations if needed, but also celebrate small wins, like surviving a grueling workweek while still making time for each other.
2. Master the Art of Communication
When it comes to staying connected, words are your best weapon. But here’s the thing: it’s not just about talking a lot—it’s about how you talk.
A. Diversify Your Methods
Video Calls: Perfect for heartfelt conversations and seeing each other’s facial expressions.
Texts and Voice Notes: Great for quick updates and adding spontaneity to the day.
Snail Mail or Gifts: Old-school romance in a modern world. A handwritten letter or surprise care package can bridge emotional gaps.
B. Have “No-Phone” Moments Together
Okay, this sounds weird for long-distance couples, but hear me out. Sometimes, communication is about shared silence. Watch a movie simultaneously, cook the same recipe, or just exist “together” on video without constant chatter.
3. Time Zones Are Villains, But They’re Beatable
One of you is just waking up while the other is ready for bed. How do you balance quality time when your clocks refuse to align?
A. Find Your Golden Hours
There will always be a sweet spot where both of you are awake and alert—lean into those times for your most important conversations.
B. Stagger Your “Goodnights” and “Good Mornings”
A thoughtful message waiting when they wake up (or a goodnight text they’ll see in the morning) can keep the connection alive despite the lag in real-time interactions.
💡 Pro Tip: Use a shared calendar app to plan dates across time zones and avoid scheduling conflicts.
4. Make the Future Tangible
One of the hardest parts of longest-distance dating is the uncertainty. You may wonder, “When will this end?” or “How do we get to a place where we can be together?” Having a shared vision can ease those fears.
A. Discuss Long-Term Goals Early
Even if the timeline is unclear, having a shared understanding of where you’re headed (living together, marriage, etc.) can keep both partners motivated.
B. Plan Visits Like a Pro
When visits are few and far between, they need to count. Don’t overpack the itinerary; leave time for relaxed, low-pressure moments.
💡 Quick Idea: Take turns planning surprise visits, if financially and logistically possible. The spontaneity can reignite sparks.
5. Turn the Distance Into a Superpower
Believe it or not, the distance can actually work for you. It forces you to communicate better, prioritize your relationship, and develop independence.
A. Build Individual Lives That Complement Your Partnership
Use the time apart to pursue your passions, career goals, and personal growth. A strong, fulfilled individual makes for a stronger relationship.
B. Share Your Worlds, Even From Afar
Send each other photos, playlists, or videos to give your partner a window into your daily life. It’s a simple way to feel more connected without constant communication.
6. Handle Conflict With Care
Every relationship has arguments, but in longest-distance dating, they can escalate quickly because of miscommunication or the inability to hug it out afterward.
A. Avoid Text-Based Arguments
Texts are great for sweet nothings, but they’re terrible for conflict resolution. Save serious conversations for video or voice calls.
B. Practice Empathy Over Assumptions
Distance can breed insecurity. When conflicts arise, assume good intentions, not malice.
💡 Tip to Remember: Say, “Help me understand where you’re coming from” instead of “You always/never…”
7. Focus on Milestones, Not the Miles
Celebrate every little victory: your first 1,000 days apart, your first big visit, or even the day you both stayed awake for a 5-hour video call. Recognizing these moments helps you see progress, even when the distance feels endless.
The Bottom Line: Is It Worth It?
Longest-distance dating isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s a rollercoaster of longing, joy, frustration, and hope. But the love you’re nurturing is proof that meaningful connections can transcend geography.
Stay honest, stay committed, and remember: the greatest stories often come with the longest journeys.
What’s your next step?
Take a moment to reflect. Are there areas in your relationship that could benefit from this guide? Start small—whether it’s scheduling your next virtual date or writing them a letter they’ll cherish.
And most importantly, keep the faith. Because love—when handled with care—can truly go the distance.